The Magic 3:1 Ratio of Positive to Negative Interactions

Strong relationships are built on having more positive interactions than negative. Research shows that the most effective ratio is 3:1.

It takes 3 positives to counteract 1 negative.

This is because for survival reasons, the human brain amplifies the negative at least 3 times as much as the positive.

So, what do negative interactions look like, sound like, feel like? Any interaction that makes the other person feel negative emotions, like blame, criticism, anger, shame, guilt, disappointment, etc.

Every time we have a negative interaction with someone, it will take at least three positive interactions to neutralize that negative impact.

@Shirzad Chamine, founder of @Positive Intelligence, uses the analogy of a Relationship Piggybank 🐖. @Steven Covey, author of The Speed of Trust, talks about Emotional Bank Accounts 🏦.

The metaphor is the same. Put more in than you take out if you want strong, healthy relationships. 🏋️‍♀️

When we don’t pay attention to making positive deposits, our ‘bank accounts’ run empty. Trust erodes and then people start to anticipate negativity. 💰

Here are some easy 10 second ‘deposits’ - simple acknowledgements to use in the moment.

· Say “Great work” when someone shares an update.

· Say “What I like about that idea is,” before giving feedback to an idea.

· Use physical gestures of approval (nodding your head, positive facial expression)

· Tell someone something you really like about them.

· Share a strength you see in someone.

· Let someone know how they helped you or benefited you.

· Genuinely ask someone how they are and really listen to the answer.

Here’s how I’m building this muscle right now.

💻 When I turn on my laptop in the morning

🗒️Instead of jumping into my list of to-do’s

🕘I will take 5 minutes to think about what deposits I can make in key relationships that day.

How well are your ratios doing in your relationships at work and at home? Are you running on empty in any important relationship. Where might you start to make more deposits?